I recently took my braids out, and the long, strenuous process was met by a continuous feeling of less; I felt less beautiful without my hair "done". But why? I started thinking about the mainstream image, not only in the music industry but society as a collective: long hair, straight nose, light skin, etc. But there I was, nappy-head and all, with no braids in. It wasn't a nice feeling to feel, but I felt worse for even comparing myself to such absurd beauty standards to begin with. There are times where I feel down, which is absolutely okay and human, but to ignore my beauty and succumb to ideals (especially ones that aren't in favor of my black features) is unacceptable. I'm not gonna lie, it's not easy telling myself "I'm beautiful" and actually feeling it, so I need to work on loving all of me and the adversities that come with being myself. That way, I can become comfortable enough to have photoshoots or performances with my natural hair without feeling "unkept", "messy", or "less". In the music industry, your look is very important, so in addition to how I perceive myself, the way others perceive me is important as well. My takeaway from that is that people's opinions do matter. Overall, I'm juggling all these factors to find a midpoint in which I am comfortable in my own skin while upholding my image as an artist while gaining approval from others. In this pursuit, I don't want to lose my sense of self or lose my self esteem, so my first step is to love myself just the way I am.
Today is New Years Eve and I was thinking about how this year has been and what I'd like to change moving into the new one. 2017 has been a great year and I accomplished a lot. I think what changed was that I was more consistent, focused, and dedicated this year. Before, I used to say that I wanted to do this and do that but I never made any actions to fulfill my words. Not only did I take action this year, I also listened to my heart. By that I mean trusting myself and my opinions on topics such as "Who are you?", "What is your image/brand/sound?" I realized that the reason I was stagnant for a while was because I wasn't being true to who I am. I was trying to mold myself into what I thought was the ideal way to be, trying to emulate the "mainstream" sound & look. I've corrected myself so that I am no longer self-conscious about trying new things, a new look, a new style. After all, I am a growing adolescent and I shouldn't be afraid of change. I realized that once I was being myself, there was no way I could go wrong, and everything that is meant to be will fall in place with the real me, not an artificial one. With that being said, for 2018 I want to continue being consistent and I also want to push myself even further. I plan to be my own advocate, create my own opportunities, make meaningful connections with people, and still live my happiest life!
Hi everyone, this is the introduction to my blog! I haven't thought of a name for it yet but I decided to start one to talk more in depth about my music as well as adversities along the way, seeing that I am growing and evolving as a teenager every day. This is an interactive blog and I look forward to hearing your ideas so stay tuned for some exciting, new posts!